Sea Level Stupid

Quite possibly the worst abuse of our legal system since I got a ticket for parking in a repainted handicapped spot because I "should have known it was meant to still be one."

Stupid factor 9/10.

Katrina victim sues U.S. for $3 quadrillion
Federal government hit with 489,000 damage claims after hurricane
The Associated Press
updated 9:40 a.m. PT, Wed., Jan. 9, 2008

NEW ORLEANS - Hurricane Katrina's victims have put a price tag on their suffering and it is staggering — including one plaintiff seeking the unlikely sum of $3 quadrillion. Who ever said you can’t put a price on human life? Or on memories? Or on stupidity? Anyone with a calculator want to tell me what that is after taxes?

The total number — $3,014,170,389,176,410 — is the dollar figure so far sought from some 489,000 claims filed against the federal government over damage from the failure of levees and flood walls following the Aug. 29, 2005, hurricane. I cannot say this loudly enough or repeat it enough times: people who live below sea level and count on things built by the government to keep them from losing everything are playing Russian roulette with a loaded gun. And then taking that loaded gun to the SuperDome to shoot at the National Guard.

Of the total number of claims, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers said it has received 247 for at least $1 billion apiece, including the one for $3 quadrillion.

"That's the mother of all high numbers," said Loren Scott, a Baton Rouge-based economist. It’s the “Stupid Mother who watches the View and thinks they are smart, independent women” of all numbers.

For the sake of perspective: A mere $1 quadrillion would dwarf the U.S. gross domestic product, which Scott said was $13.2 trillion in 2007. A stack of one quadrillion pennies would reach Saturn. Some residents may have grossly exaggerated their claims to send a message to the corps, which has accepted blame for poorly designing the failed levees.

"I understand the anger," Scott said. "I also understand it's a negotiating tactic: Aim high and negotiate down." Act stupid, get attention and ask for money. The new American dream boys and girls. Paris Hilton would be proud. A quadrillion dollars? That’s hot.

Daniel Becnel, Jr., a lawyer who said his clients have filed more than 60,000 claims, said measuring Katrina's devastation in dollars and cents is a nearly impossible task. I'm sure his fee won't be impossible to calculate, though.

"There's no way on earth you can figure it out," he said. "The trauma these people have undergone is unlike anything that has occurred in the history of our country." Ah…civil war, slavery, world conflict? All of these pale in comparison to the trauma of building things below sea level and then wondering why they went bye-bye.

The corps released zip codes, but no names, for the 247 claims of at least $1 billion. The list includes a $77 billion claim by the city of New Orleans. Fourteen involve a wrongful death claim. Fifteen were filed by businesses, including several insurance companies. A wrongful death can only occur when you listen to the warnings and actually evacuate. Anything else is just Darwin doing his thing.

Little is known about the person who claimed $3 quadrillion. Except that they are stupid, spiteful and keeping some poor lawyer from his tee time. It was filed in Baker, 93 miles northwest of New Orleans. Baker is far from the epicenter of Katrina's destruction, but the city has a trailer park where hundreds of evacuees have lived since the storm.

Katrina, which is blamed for more than 1,600 deaths in Louisiana and Mississippi, is considered the most destructive storm to ever hit the U.S. It caused at least $60 billion in insured losses and could cost Gulf Coast states up to $125 billion, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Not because it was bigger or more powerful than the Galveston hurricane at the turn of the century but because more people had built stuff there…below sea level…on the Gulf Coast…where there are hurricanes.

Most of the claims were filed before a deadline that coincided with Katrina's second anniversary, but the Corps is still receiving them — about 100 claims have arrived over the past three weeks — and is feeding them into a computer database. Stupid and tardy? No problem, we are with the government and our job is to coddle you!

The Corps said it isn't passing judgment on the merits of each claim. Federal courts are in charge of deciding if a claim is valid and how much compensation is warranted.

"It's important to the person who filed it, so we're taking every single claim seriously," Corps spokeswoman Amanda Jones said. Ah yes, you work for the Government so it is your job to make idiots feel as if their ideas have merit. Well done Amanda. But these people are stupid and they need someone to tell them they are stupid or they will continue to do things like this and waste our time. We need tort reform or better birth control in this country if not both.

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.